Day One

I have no idea why I would start a blog.  I suppose the idea was suggested to me, and then I had discovered a blog by an economist, and several blogs, by economists: Peter Schiff,  Max Keiser, etc...

So, here I begin my blogging journey.  Perhaps in the same way many bloggers have begun.  Talking about blogging.

I am not going to fuck around, I may as well get right to the heart of the matter.  See, I have never felt 'right' in this world.  Oh, I have always been healthy, I have not had any diagnosed mental health issues, I have followed most the rules, I do not try and create a stir of any kind at all...  unless, it is artistically.  :-)

But my whole existence I have felt an overwhelming compulsion to disagree with things I did not think were true.  School authority figures would insist on the correctness of their doctrine, I would ask them for answers as to where their knowledge was derived, and in many cases the root of their belief was taken on the faith of an authority.  

Because of the compulsion to conform in our institutions, I got along slowly, day dreaming my way through the public education system.  Learning enough to be a good trained monkey.

Some key points as to my childhood character:

• I can't remember being too happy in my childhood.
• My mother can be summarized as someone who would comfort her child materially.  She bottle formula fed, never the breast.  When I was sick I would get a wash cloth to the head and a 'there there'.
• My father was unapproachable emotionally.  He was either filling you up with praise from the good genetic stock he and his wife provided you; or he was challenging you where you would never beat him nor be good enough.  He was a Vietnam veteran and a functioning alcoholic.
• When my brother was born into the world, four years my junior, I loved him dearly, but also regressed to his level of development for a number of years.  His intellectual development was raised.
• When my sister was born, I was jealous of my brother's love for her, and I would try to hoard his affection.  I did not reconcile with my sister until she was in her early teenage years.  I have apologized many times since.
• I have no religious upbringing, I was a self proclaimed atheist by age 14.  Religion and it's ceremonies could be explained with psychology.  I have then came to find Buddhism at age 18.
• I fell in love at age 15, and have wanted to feel 'In Love' ever since.
• I became the lead singer of a Rock and Roll band at age 15 and I credit this with breaking me out of my Fantasy World Daydream, and Into Reality.
  

At age 17 I had an LSD Trip with a Communist Foreign Exchange Student from Italy who told me that I was nothing more than a "stupid American Consumer, I was an Idiot, I was a Womanizer, and I had several Moral Faults" -- 

From that moment forward I began a deep inspection into what it is that has made me what I am becoming.

I was armed at an early age with that 'bullshit' detector.  It has taken much more development, but I believe myself to have found a way to distinguish the truth.  A very simple description of this technique would be relating to the feeling of veneration that you get for someone whom has earned great respect.  I was lucky enough, for some reason, to gravitate towards great intellectual and spiritual figures in history, Socrates, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr., are examples; and this sort of person is one that produces great feelings of that veneration around them.

Armed with the development of this feeling, I began to examine the many different philosophies available.

I studied a bit of Nihilism and then Existentialism and came back to Buddhism.

I listened to a lot of Frank Zappa!

I studied Psychology at Michigan State University, but because of my desire to earn money, I tailored my Psychology towards Statistics and then lost interest and became too labored with statistical equations and failed out.

At about what must of been the age of 20-21 my roommate introduced me the works of Rudolf Steiner and Anthroposophy.  He had just begun his study of the philosophies.

In the 20 years that I have been studying Anthroposophy - I am yet to ever disprove Dr. Steiner.   Oh there is much you can not directly prove, but there is much that you can not disprove.  And there is much that the proof bears out.

For example, in a lecture I read this evening, given almost 100 years ago, Steiner pointed out that Economists were taking over as the "Rulers" -- in ancient times, it was people that actually had the spiritual vision of their community.  Now?  We are ruled by people that see Money as Solution.  When in fact, money is part of the problem.

I will continue my next blog with whatever subject comes to mind.  These are blogs from a modern day anthroposophist.  It is 2012 and people need to wake up.